“I don’t like her anymore!”
“How come?”
“I’m suffocated; she’s not the girl for me!”
“How stupid! Tonight’s the hundredth day of you two being lovers. She texted me that a while back.”
“I know, it’s just that…”
Noel really was a stupid person! At that moment, I wanted to curse this friend of mine. Kate was such a nice lady with an unusually attractive physique, the editor-in-chief of her school.
“But nice is no longer enough. There’s got to be more.”
“More? What more could you ask for? She’s near perfect. I would bet loads of these Swiss sandwiches just to have her. And now, you’re—”
“What do you say you court her instead?” he said it with seriousness marked on his face.
“What! Are you mad?” I blabbered.
My night at the debut party was suspended upon his question. I didn’t know what to feel that time. Should I be glad or mad? But there’s one thing I did that night. I agreed.
II
Kate and I were getting along already. She was texting me, and I’m delighted for that. But what Noel had said last night was still fresh from my mind. But I couldn’t stop. I felt like a super hero trying to save her from the evil plots of the Dark Lord Noel. I’ll spare her from his current man.
One day, we were trekking the caves. And there I knew I had already fallen in love. I guided her in the muddy floors, I protected her from spiky rocks, I enveloped her in my invisible love. I could then anticipate such fruitful love coming to reality. But wait! She’s still attached to Noel. Nah ah! This is just a game. I’m not a player here. Besides I don’t want to lose.
I was wrong. I was then a player risking myself. The more I resisted from getting involved so much, the more I befall to her charms. Blame me not. I’m just a man who to myself was a captive of a woman’s greatest weapon. Oh Kate…
It was the youth camp on the other town. Fortunately, the two of us were facilitators so I had the chance to be with her. During the night after the bonfire was extinguished, the greatest night took place. The two of us laid on the cold mat of grass, her head near my shoulder. I could smell the oozing fragrance of her hair, which I stroke with my warm hands. And in the midst when I wasn’t on earth but somewhere in the unknown, I thought of the many things that might as well had me hallucinating.
But it’s far from what is happening. That night, I knew the stars were all set to have a view of us. That night, I could see the moon peeping from behind the clouds. The cold breeze has read my wish. It blew so much that she sought for my warmth. From there, I learned to beg for time to stop — to freeze from real time.
I was back to my senses when we found ourselves sitting on the benches in front the chapel. She was strumming a guitar.
But the dawn had to end. As we all slept, I could still reminisce the words that have been etched on my subconscious…
“Should I smile because we’re friends, or should I cry because that’s all we’ll ever be?”
III
It was nearing the start of our college life. Then I thought was my real chance. Kate and Noel broke up because of me. She and I got closer. Finally, after times of waiting—
But destiny tricked the both of us! When there seemed the right time, communication was totally lost. I couldn’t get in touch with her, not even virtually. The worst thing is that I didn’t do anything about it. I just let it be. Foolish! Blame it on me!
It was the first day of classes, and I couldn’t help to think what had become of Kate. I was scared to do a thing. I don’t know! At that time, I just felt the courage in me has fled. I was supposing that she didn’t like me anymore, that I did something terribly wrong, that she just needed time.
And time I gave her unknowingly. Maybe she needed time to think about things. Maybe she needed time for transition—from Noel to me. I just hoped that it would mend the breakages. But it did not.
I was then longing for the girl I lost but never had.
IV
“Hey, Lawrence! Lawrence!”
I turned my head to see where the voice was coming from. It was Christine. She was calling from behind the bleachers of the CCA Theater.
“Oh, how are you? Long time no see, eh?” I said.
“I’m fine! We’ll just watch the Nine Fathers. They say there’s a cute guy from the cast!”
Silly. She has never changed that much. Then, I unconsciously uttered, “How’s Kate?”
A mark of excitement trudged from her face. “Oh, Kate! You stupid guy, how come you let her wait for nothing. She needed you very badly yet you didn’t even dare to approach her. And now, it’s—”
“You mean, she was waiting for me? Why? How should I know?”
Christine’s eyes were glistening. “You know, sometimes you just have to follow the instincts of the heart. Sometimes you should shut the mind down.”
Her words were like spears sinking into my flesh. I hate myself. I have hurt so much a heart! I knew what she meant. But I was dumbfounded to hear her other words. Kate was waiting for me! Stupid. The time I let her decide was also the time she waited for me.
V
I didn’t understand the play. What I could only think about is my annoying stupidity that seemed to slash my whole psyche. How my efforts of patience was wasted in an instant.
I was walking down the dark endless stairs of the university. I wanted to do something but I just couldn’t. I should quit this dim-witted game. I started it anyway… But what if I still hold on. Nah, useless. After what I’ve heard? the deafening revelation which I so recounted only when Christine reminded me; the blinding truth that I only realized when it was too late.
“Kate! Kate!”
“Oh, it’s you! How are you?”
“Fine, maybe. You?”
“Same here.”
After a moment of silence, I asked her, “Are you going to watch this Art of Movement?”
“Yah, my classmate’s going to present. I promised him I’ll watch.”
“Good.”
Then there came my former classmate Craig, who ever since was my foe. “Kate, you haven’t waited for me outside.”
“Eh, the play’s ‘bout to start. You’re late.”
“Never mind. Hey, after this, aren’t you going to visit Dan?
Kate looked at Craig. Then she turned her head on me. Then I knew there all along. It was heartbreaking! The way it started was as easy as the way it ended.
VI
I only saw Kate four times that semester. I was bitter whenever I landed my eyes on hers.
Months have passed. I seemed to have forgotten Kate. But fate wouldn’t just allow me to fully erase my feelings for her. It’s already enrolment for the second semester. Still, I was hoping for a miracle.
Yet, miracles aren’t just for the desperate. . On the enrolment date, she asked me to accompany her to the bus terminal. I gladly accepted despite the many unknown obstacles and questions.
The stars were still in favor of me. And so there I went and waited at the terminal. After half an hour, she came.
“Hello, Kate.”
“Hi.”
And there after months of longing for her, I again felt complete. This terminal near the park would be the witness to my story. We conversed just about anything that can be talked about. I saw in her eyes an endless array of spectral wonders I had never known existed. The day was finally being engulfed by the charms of the night—the dim scenario being lit by a variety of dancing lights from the awakening city. Her smiles turned to me like signs of welcome and thanksgiving.
Expectedly, the night has to end. But along with its departure was the blossoming of a new and fresh beginning.
As I bid her good-bye, I pondered upon my smiles the words I longed to say to her… I was then walking away from her. I could envisage her climbing up the bus. In my vision, I could see the bus move, fleeing in rate of knots, and along with it was my beautiful Kate with her unusually attractive physique.
Maybe, just maybe… it’s back to where I’ve started.
__End__
