daddy

October 18, 2007 – I have been walking this long time now, and I’ve grown tired. I almost want to quit. My pocket is screaming from hunger and I can do no more than hear its rumble. I am desolated by time and worthless experiences of mockery and doom. The world seems listening to my pleas, yes. It enjoys hearing my agonizing cries for salvation from this hell-stricken state of mine.

One year had passed, and the promise Daddy left us did not take its form. I was waiting, hoping even until now. He grew to be so clumsy that even our advices wouldn’t matter anymore. All that was on his mind was to get that ticket and flee somewhere to the other side of the world, thinking he would best be able to suffice our growing needs. He said he was only wishing to give us what we want, so we could love him more. He was wrong.

One year had passed. He is suffering the heat of his new place, and so are we. He got his ticket of foolishness for not listening to our counsel. What he said of him granting what we want was a hoax, not even our needs could he suffice. Instead of him remitting fruits from abroad, it was us who even sent him trees! He went away leaving behind our house and lot on the back vault, letting us sink into the sea of debts. The muffle of our pockets began.

I remember myself eating the most expensive of all candies when I was seven. Daddy, Mama and my siblings would pay a trip to the City so we can see the elephants and giraffes. I was as innocent as my age could be, unlike now – where my brain could perceive all the problems that face me, and it hurts. I wish I could regress to my haven of faultless memories.

But it is too late. I cannot escape this reality. The winds are blowing our dreams like a paper left on the window. Daddy has given me a taste of dust that I never hoped. I could feel my feet touching filth of mud that the raging storm created. And again, my pocket rumbled. How can he let this happen to the five of us? I pity Mama knocking door-to-door importuning like beggars to scrounge for a piece of our neighbor’s wealth.

I wanted to blame him like what he did seven years ago. Such infidelity would be unforgivable but we pardoned him and let time take its course. And now, a greater trial is set forth, and he’s to blame!

He’s like that Someone who made all kinds of promises within a book. He was revered by many, but he left this world to watch sin and evil engulf us all. We send him fruits and petitions, but his answers were never relevant. He never wants to leave that tall edifice and that high-reaching abode above the zenith. Does he answer our calls, my mother’s pleas? No. I often see Mama kneeling so hard in front of our altar at home, where she would wait until the candles burn out to death. And what do we get? Nothing.

They’re almost the same – He and Daddy. It’s my time to move. Tomorrow, I’ll put on my best clothes. Tomorrow, I’ll try to convince him, tell him he was wrong for forsaking us. Tomorrow, I’ll battle with him with words and see how well it will work. And tomorrow, eyes shut, knees bended, fists clutched together, I’ll place a bet with God.